Reflection

 

Sometimes I like to take time and reflect back on the things I’ve been through in life; how far I’ve come and what direction I would like for my life to go in. I realize I’ve grown so much in the past few years.

When I was younger, I was somewhat of a drama queen and overly dramatic. I would blow small things out of proportion and now I am so much more relaxed. I don’t let things get to me so easily and I take more time to breathe.

I was married for what I think was along time. I married the first man I truly loved (at the time ) we were married on paper for about 8 years. Our divorce devastated me. I lost so much weight and was depressed and I felt like my whole world was falling apart.  For years it was difficult for me to talk to him. I felt abandon, ashamed, and embarrassed by him and what he did to me. Those are things it takes time to get over. But I did or so I thought I did until I saw his Instagram page.

I made the mistake of looking through his pictures and reading his captions. It was like I never existed. And what I mean when I say it was like I never existed, he had pictures of him and his wife posted from high school and the caption read, “We’ve been together since high school!” And another read something like, “She’s been my soldier since I was in my teens!” It was like I never existed. It was like he had forgotten the almost 10 years we were together.

The man I was married to for almost 8 years acted as if those years with me never happened. I was beyond devastated it was like being heartbroken and shattered all over again. It’s funny how it takes you so many years to heal and so little time to be shattered and heartbroken all over again!

After I saw his page and read the caption I immediately unfollowed and blocked him on Instagram. I also sent him a message and said since he wanted to act like I never existed on his Instagram page he could also pretend that I didn’t exist in real life! I was so furious and I just couldn’t believe his page.

But as time passed by (I still haven’t talked to him); I realized his page doesn’t matter. I’m not his wife anymore; he’s remarried with children and he’s honoring his new wife and his kids. And he doesn’t,  nor should he ever have power again to make me angry or hurt me. Our marriage was then and we are in the now!

And quite frankly now, I don’t care anymore. My only focus is myself, my happiness, my future, and doing things that matter! The past is the past for a reason and we can never move forward by looking in or keep living in the past. I am an older wiser woman and I know life is about moving forward. Being positive. Doing things that matter! #goodvibesonly

 

4 thoughts on “Reflection

  1. So I love this article.I imagine seeing an ex anything has its effects. What i really like is that you said the words. Sometimes it is hard to admit the things that can and have humiliated you. But once it’s out there is a great relief off of your heart. Great job Nix. I enjoyed it.

    Like

  2. As I was reading, I Reminisced about being in cosmetology school seeing this girl who was so innocent and would constantly blush about this guy. They ended up married but eventually divorced. Yes, she was broken hearted. We both were so young and naive. We loved from a deep far away place. That seems like it took place in the Dinosaur ages! Lol! She is now so strong, wise, and humble! She accepted that pain has purpose! She is pursuing her dreams now and I am so excited to be watching her live out loud on PURPOSE!
    Signed, A fan of my Bestie💋

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s