As a woman that has had my heart broken a few times, I often wonder how much pain can a heart withstand before it no longer feels? I watched the movie Hobbs and Shaw a few weeks ago; the movie was absolutely awesome. A total guy movie. Lots of explosions and fights. Tough guys walking around eating bullets, lol! It was way better than I expected; my only gripe about the movie is that it was too long.
My favorite line of the movie, which there were so many, was when Idris Elba character said to one of the female characters, “If you are lying to me I’m going to rip your heart out!” She looked at him as she said, “If I had one that would scare me!”
Before I heard this line I was already wanting to write about matters of the heart. Although Hobbs and Shaw is just a movie, clearly that is a woman who’s heart had been wrecked.
When my ex-husband and I split years ago, I didn’t think my heart could withstand the pain. It was unlike any pain I had ever experienced in my life. I literally felt my heart breaking into pieces each day. I cried so much that I thought I didn’t have any tear ducts left. I thought there is no way that my heart will ever mend. It took a brutal beating.
After that, over time my heart did mend but apart of it never came back. I felt like 15 percent of it will always be gone. My Dusty passed away 6 months ago and when I tell you my heart broke, that is an understatement. I miss that little dude everyday. Another 15 percent of my heart gone. Maybe even 20 percent. Friend of 10 years just walked away from our friendship without a word. 5 percent gone.
Best friend died of cancer at the age of 35. My stepdad died. My aunt and cousin died on the same day 20 years ago. The only grandmother that I’ve ever truly loved that baked me cakes and told me the meaning of Easter gone. I’m down to only 30 percent of my heart being left.
It doesn’t even have to be heartbreaks or deaths. Fears of not having enough for bills. Not knowing if your place of employment will stay open. Will social security be around when you get older? Finding out you have cancer cells in your cervix. These things can affect the heart.
Year by year our hearts take punctures. How long until it bleeds out and doesn’t feel anymore?
I’m almost to the point now where sometimes I feel my heart can’t take anymore heartbreak. Or maybe I can because I can no longer feel. Does anyone else ever feel that way?
Then I look at Onyx and my heart is filled with 100 percent love all over again. Although I know one day, he too will leave me and break what’s left of my heart.
Good thing is, I have my family and those handful of friends that will always be there. No matter what I go through or how I feel, they will never let me down or give up on me. I also have to remember no matter what I go through, God will never put me in a situation I can’t handle or make it through. Life isn’t always roses, unicorns, and rainbows. It is unkind, sad, heartbreaking, and unfair. We just have to remember to always have love, hope, and faith. No matter what, remind kind!
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